Segments of Glory - Non Sanctioned Racing

HE'S BACK!
We all know Lance is disgraced and banned from competitive events, and pretty much thought of as some type of psychotic narcissistic bully.  But he's also a lifelong competitor, and an accomplished one at that (the source of his accomplishments can be debated for sure).  So what does he do when all his outlets for competition (athletically) ban him from participation?  He tries to find an avenue and means for getting back in the game and letting everyone know he's "still got it."  That's what ego driven people do as they need the spotlight and public adoration to keep their lives full of meaning.


HE'S A SWIMMER NOW
Just this week it was announced Lance Armstrong is now planning on competing in Masters Swimming.  How can he do this when he's been banned from competitive events that are governed by the United States Anti Doping Agency?  Well, here is a little article explaining why and how he can compete in swimming.  But the main point is, the events aren't under the umbrella of USADA and therefore they can't say they will take their ball and go home - you're not wanted here Lance!

LOOPHOLE - The Lawyer's Delight.

Does this appear right to you?

Lance's seemingly desperate antics reminds me of the movie "Blades of Glory."  If you haven't seen it, I do recommend you give it a shot.  Now granted, I'm the type of guy that loves a stupid humor movie where I can firmly place my brain in my back pocket while munching on some snacks.  Since Chris Farley's passing, I've moved on to Will Farrell for a few good laughs.  Blades of Glory (Spoiler alert!) is about two world class male figure skaters (Will Farrell - you should know; and Jon Heder of Napoleon Dynamite and Bench-warmers fame).  These two go at it for the World Championships and end up in a tie for the gold medal. As top ego driven stars are akin to do, these two don't get along and a fight ensues on the podium while the National Anthem is being played.  Subsequently, both are banned for life from figure skating.  But with the genius of a stalker fan and the coaching of Craig T. Nelson (Coach) they find a loophole and enter for the Olympics as a pairs figure skating team.  I won't completely spoil the movie and tell you they win (whoops!)... but the point is, they find a way back into the sport they love and into what drives them the most - competition.

STRAVACIDE - Death by Segments

Now if Lance really wants to get back into BIKE racing competition, he should just join STRAVA.  STRAVA is an online

self described "social fitness" site.  STRAVA creates segments of your ride that you upload from your GPS enabled smart phone of some other GPS tracking device like a Garmin cycling computer.  You then have the ability to see your effort over any particular segment compared with everyone else who's ridden that segment while recording it via GPS.  STRAVA ranks your ride and awards the top rider the King of the Mountain (KOM).

Local Sacramento ride - Generic Loop.

As these gratuitous screen shots show, you can get a KOM for an uphill, downhill and whatever type of road the segment happens to be.  STRAVA can be used for running and hiking also.  It's basically the "Facebook" for cycling where you follow friends and other like minded fitness competitive freaks and can comment or give them STRAVA's version of a "like" by clicking "Kudos" next to the posted ride.

This is the perfect new frontier for Lance to break into and quite honestly who wouldn't love to try and topple him on a segment "at a location near you."  Professional riders are on Strava and often they are posting their training rides and some have even posted their races. Neil Browne recently wrote about the KOM Strava segments for the upcoming "Classics" where regular cyclists are mixed in among the worlds top riders.  Lance could circumnavigate the globe in search of gaining the most KOM's of popular training routes and famous races the current pros are competing on.  All while never having to disclose his location to the anti doping "vampires" and never having to take that awkward pee break with someone standing over your shoulder. Well, unless that's his thing of course.  

Not everyone enjoyed Will Farrel and Jon Heder's comeback in the movie Blades of Glory.  In fact the reigning World Pairs Skating Champions (Played by Amy Poehler and Will Arnett) did everything they could to sabotage the all male duo during their run up to the Olympics.  The news reported some outrage by many upon hearing two men were participating in what had previously been a male/female combination only.  I'm sure if Lance decided to take a strike at your newly crowned STRAVA segment you might yell and holler that he's a druggie, been banned from the sport and your segment KOM shouldn't be taken over by such a disgraced ruffian.  But so far, USADA, the UCI, IOC or any other alphabet governing body has yet to make a ruling on whether STRAVA can allow Lance to ride the same roads and post better times than you.

So keep getting your STRAVA segment KOM's and searching for a Mr. Armstrong climbing up the leader-board.  You know he's thinking of doing this, his ego is just too big to avoid it.  After all those years of training and getting the best times all over the world Lance has nothing to show for it... until now.  Because as they say, if it didn't happen on STRAVA, it didn't happen at all.

UPDATE:
According to the same news source linked above they've updated the story with "Update at 11:15 a.m. ET. Armstrong Pulls Out"  I'm assuming that headline is referring to his swimming exploits...because otherwise that's some seriously in depth reporting..... uh hem.... Nevermind.